There is a very old relationship tool I learned recently.
It works like a charm, and encapsulates many elements of relationship art.
It’s a technique for enticing a man to feel comfortable living with you.
The central idea is keeping things light and easy. . .
Cultivating an attitude of giving up control . . .
Of being so strong, so happy, and so comfortable with yourself
That any resistance he has to moving forward in relationship is no threat to your well-being,
That whatever you offer is not around manipulation or control but making him comfortable, and if he’s not comfortable with what you offer, then it’s completely okay!
Not even the least snag of a problem.
Absolutely no big deal. . .
This is the art of invitation.
And it is extremely attractive.
I tried this with my man.
Was it ever attractive to him!
And I felt GREAT!
What struck me about the tool was that when I acted as if his resistance was no big deal, I experienced it as no big deal, and he was intrigued.
We women can be so desperate, so heavy, so focused on our suffering around relationship, our hopes constantly pinned on whether he lives up to our expectations.
The drama of it all can be a real turn off to a man.
What a relief to let up on ourselves, and him.
If this is you, try giving him (and yourself) a shock of pleasure by taking the focus off the small decisions he might make that would normally bother you.
Just be light and breezy and unconcerned.
Focus on enjoyment for you – a cup of tea, a hot bath, a nice walk outside.
And . . . give him the space to enjoy himself in the way that he chooses – time to himself, essential items for his comfort and interest, freedom to choose when he wants to be with you.
Try on the attitude of not being distressed when he decides he wants to do something without you.
Just flow through easy and light.
Men love this and are intrigued by it.
It brings a sense of distance and warmth at the same time.
And they LOVE that.
Be surprised and delighted when he reaches out to be with you.
The keys are
1) to give him the freedom to decide when he wants to be with you and when he wants to move the relationship forward,
2) sharing your feelings with him in a warm and authentic way, and
3) knowing in your heart that you ALWAYS have the option of moving or turning away from him if it feels bad.
Take the focus off of him, and what he does, and put it on you, and how you feel, and the beauty of the world around you.
I can pretty much guarantee that he will be inspired to be a better man and will want to move closer to you out of a sense of freedom, safety, and comfort.
When he does, welcome him.
If he doesn’t, you can be sure that the man who is right for you will.
You see, when you learn to follow your feelings, there is no need to try to change his behavior, AT ALL!
You can leave that up to him . . .
So much easier . . .
So much more feminine . .
So much more fun.