What does it mean to be a woman?

How were you welcomed to puberty?

Were you one of those lucky girls who had a loving Mother who was close to you and shared all of her wisdom and guidance?

Or did your Mom simply have “the talk” with you one day?

In my case, I came home from school to find a pamphlet and a box of sanitary pads on my bed.

The pamphlet was titled “You’re a Woman Now”.

In the pamphlet were diagrams of female anatomy, and directions on how to use “sanitary” products.

It was cheery, upbeat, and superficial.

I felt so empty and sad and alone.

Becoming a woman felt so profound to me.

What had been presented to me on the occasion felt entirely insufficient to prepare me for crossing that threshold.

The sense of shame and embarrassment about the feminine experience that were portrayed by this experience impacted me for a long, long time.

Throughout my youth and adulthood I longed for someone who could share with me and help me to understand what it truly meant to be female.

None of my friends seemed to know or talk about it.

They were as lost as I was.

It was a time when women were trying hard to be like men.

We wanted to leave everything that defined femininity behind us.

And yet I felt an instinctual, almost primal, need to talk to a wise adult woman who could share with me how to access feminine joy and power.

I knew somehow, deep in my soul, that if I could learn this, that I could rise up and take pride in my female being.

Years later, I had stumbled through multiple bad relationships with men, my self esteem and hope for real intimacy declining with each relationship failure.

I came to a point of despair in which I viewed romantic love, what a woman hopes for and dreams of with a man, as no more than a fantasy.

It felt like a cruel, hard, heart-breaking world for a woman.

Then one day that wise woman I had been looking for finally showed up!

She taught me, baby step by baby step, how to access feminine energy, feminine power, feminine joy.

Slowly, slowly I rose up.

Steadily, surely I climbed.

I learned the essential importance of feminine energy and how to use it to create a beautiful life for myself, to build deep and lasting romantic relationships, fulfilling relationships with my family and friends, with my community, with the world.

We women are good and powerful.

We are the keepers of relationships.

We are the feminine energy of the universe that creates and sustains the world.

It was not until I learned these things that I truly became a woman.

Until then I was stuck in an adolescent kind of life and love, searching for a way to grow through into adulthood, with no path and no direction.

For many years I stumbled in the dark.

It was my dear goddess guide who shone the light on the path.

Now I can say, with confidence and joy “I am a woman now”.

What does it mean to you to be a woman?

Please write and share!

How to Make Him Feel Comfortable and Safe with You . . .

There is a very old relationship tool I learned recently.

It works like a charm, and encapsulates many elements of relationship art.

It’s a technique for enticing a man to feel comfortable living with you.

The central idea is keeping things light and easy. . .

Cultivating an attitude of giving up control . . .

Of being so strong, so happy, and so comfortable with yourself

That any resistance he has to moving forward in relationship is no threat to your well-being,

That whatever you offer is not around manipulation or control but making him comfortable, and if he’s not comfortable with what you offer, then it’s completely okay!

Not even the least snag of a problem.

Absolutely no big deal. . .

This is the art of invitation.

And it is extremely attractive.

I tried this with my man.

And Wow!

Was it ever attractive to him!

And I felt GREAT!

What struck me about the tool was that when I acted as if his resistance was no big deal, I experienced it as no big deal, and he was intrigued.

We women can be so desperate, so heavy, so focused on our suffering around relationship, our hopes constantly pinned on whether he lives up to our expectations.

The drama of it all can be a real turn off to a man.

What a relief to let up on ourselves, and him.

If this is you, try giving him (and yourself) a shock of pleasure by taking the focus off the small decisions  he might make that would normally bother you.

Just be light and breezy and unconcerned.

Focus on enjoyment for you – a cup of tea, a hot bath, a nice walk outside.

And . . . give him the space to enjoy himself in the way that he chooses – time to himself, essential items for his comfort and interest, freedom to choose when he wants to be with you.

Try on the attitude of not being distressed when he decides he wants to do something without you.

Just flow through easy and light.

Men love this and are intrigued by it.

It brings a sense of distance and warmth at the same time.

And they LOVE that.

Be surprised and delighted when he reaches out to be with you.

The keys are

1) to give him the freedom to decide when he wants to be with you and when he wants to move the relationship forward,

2) sharing your feelings with him in a warm and authentic way, and

3) knowing in your heart that you ALWAYS have the option of moving or turning away from him if it feels bad.

Take the focus off of him, and what he does, and put it on you, and how you feel, and the beauty of the world around you.

I can pretty much guarantee that he will be inspired to be a better man and will want to move closer to you out of a sense of freedom, safety, and comfort.

When he does, welcome him.

If he doesn’t, you can be sure that the man who is right for you will.

You see, when you learn to follow your feelings, there is no need to try to change his behavior, AT ALL!

You can leave that up to him . . .

So much easier . . .

So much more feminine . .

So much more fun.

Get his interest this way . . .

Here’s is something fun to practice. It works amazingly well, and is the foundation of flirting.

You can practice it on every man that you meet. It may feel strange and even a little uncomfortable at first. But with time you’ll use it with more and more confidence and pleasure.

It’s not only a great way to build attraction and intrigue, it will also give you a charge of energy!

Here’s what to do.

Whenever and wherever you meet a man, smile and hold his gaze for 5 seconds. Count off the seconds in your mind as you look into his eyes – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. You may have to start with just 3 seconds if you are shy.

You can do this with the man at the checkout counter. The bank teller. The clerk at the shoe store.

Be aware of how you feel when you do this. Notice his response. Notice how you feel afterward.

It’s easier to start with men that you aren’t too on edge about. Then as you gain skill, work toward using it for potential (and current!) romantic partners.

Let me know how this works for you!